Wednesday 12 June 2013

History of Hell Part I

John Martin's rendition of Pandemonium.
After the completion of their kick-ass capital Pandemonium, the swaggering Princes and Kings of Hell spread out across the blasted wastes of the Infernal Realm to establish their own fiefdoms, building holdfasts over thermal vents for warmth. Contrary to popular belief, much of Hell will freeze your balls off.

Although seemingly indestructible (they could reconstitute themselves from information wave alone-- structure that organizes matter), without God's aura, they became lethargic and damn hard to get off the couch.

So for a quick mana boost, they turned to eating their neighbours. Cannibalism became de rigueur and dinner invitations took on an added meaning. Finally a primitive agricultural system was established, and everyone chilled out. Importing human souls to feed upon began with the giant and ornery Nephilim, offspring of Watchers and human females.
Angels wallow in the Lake of Fire
Hell stretches out from the balmy shores of the Lake of Fire into the frozen continent of Sobor. Populated by choleric chimeras, scheming gorgons, bad-ass basilisks, scyllas, and uber-territorial dragons, it was a dangerous hood for individual demons. It had to be tamed like an unruly head of hair. Mowed. Paved.

Fallen angels survey the wastes of Hell; drawing by Dore
Satan, being preoccupied with Eden and screwing God over, sent his trusted lieutenant Beelzebub 'Fly-Face' to pacify it. In his absence the First Magisterium was formed, consisting of 12 of the most powerful demons: Moloch, Dagon, Chemos, Rimmon, Thammuz, Baalim, Ashtoreth, Astarte, Izooze, Ozeroth, Orut, and Belial; Satan was the unofficial thirteenth member. These were the biggest, baddest, scenery-eating demons, and Satan wanted them were he could see 'em. Each founded a Royal House and began begating at a frightening pace; the little hellions sired then set about expanding the fief of their progenitor.

The Magisterium rashly adopted the Animus Creed, which affirmed evil as Hell's good ('Evil be Thou My Good'). This made cooperation impossible: it became screw or be screwed and all order collapsed. Servants stopped serving. Guards made off with the silverware. Thinking better of it, the decree was rescinded and the more restrained Pandemonium Creed, advocating opposition to God 'The Fascist Father', was adopted in its place.
Satan addresses Hell's Parliament
Next time: Demons stir the shizz!